How to Shape Our Selves (2024)

The psychologist who invented "flow" now makes the case for"complexity." We need to be as different as we can from each other while at the same time integrating our efforts. It is our contribution to the continuation of evolution, says the University of Chicago's eminent Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D.

With his last book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, the man with the unpronounceable name (say Chick-sent-me-HIGH) added a new, intuitively clear concept to the language. In his new book, The Evolving Self. A Psychology for the Third Millennium (HarperCollins; 1993), he looks beyond happiness to consider what we need to grow as individuals and as a society. Csikszentmihalyi exhorts us to develop complexity in our consciousness, to acquire multiple interests and abilities. Our future, he contends, depends on it.

PT: You said in your book that evolution is taking care of increasing the complexity in our lives. Why should we be concerned with trying to help this along?

MC: Well, because at this point we are one of the major--if not the major--selective mechanisms on the planet. Whether we like it or not, what we do is going to make a huge difference in the quality of the atmosphere, the quality of water, plant life, animal life, human life.

Before, evolution could make all kinds of mistakes, and natural selection could have obliterated all types of life forms on the Earth. Slowly, over thousands of years, millions of years, some forms that were obviously more complex had a slight advantage and survived. And the effect has been that we have had more and more complex forms with time.

But now we are in a position that we are selecting what's going to happen, not the blind forces of the physical environment. So we are doing it, and if we don't know what we are doing, we can make the kind of mistake that would stop evolution-at least in its human form.

This is, in a way, the testing ground for whether our species can really survive. I think it depends on whether we can realize it's simply the end and do something that will make evolution more complex, instead of breaking down into warring hordes.

PT: You suggest that people should try to overcome their individual problems, to transcend" their personal dramas....

MC: I think that's the first step. I think without resolving one's own conflicts and the kind of psychic entropy that we carry in our own psyche, it's hard to be concerned and do effective work for others.

PT: Are there some people who are better at finding complexity (and transcendence) in their lives than other people?

MC: Clearly, that's true. We know that people vary in how self-centered, selfseeking, and selfish they are, and how much they're willing to be concerned about others. Unfortunately, we don't have a measure for it like we do for IQ. If we did, it would be a big help because then people could get recognized for this ability. At this point, it's a very private matter, and you can't recognize people unless they are really extreme in this capacity.

PT: Besides rock climbing, which Aldous Huxley said was the ideal basic training for citizenship, what would be your prescription?

MC: Well, I think we find that the arts are generally enjoyed by students even through high school, whether it's dance, music, painting. When the arts are taught systematically, they do teach you discipline, they do teach you the kinds of habits of mind that you want school to inculcate. But, unfortunately, those are exactly the subjects knocked off school curricula as soon as there is a pinch in the budget.

PT: You say that it's useful to develop a complex family. What are the elements that make up a complex family, and what are the ways you can strive to get it?

MC: Well, the notion of complexity is useful because it can be applied to one's state of conscience at the moment and one's personality over time. It can be applied to families, communities, schools, and institutions. So it's a very useful way of categorizing psychosocial systems.

Complexity is made up of two dialectically linked processes. One is differentiation; the other is integration. At the level of the family, differentiation means that each person feels free to pursue their own individual goals and their own individual skills so that the parents support the child's individuality, and that the children respect the parent's own individual values or interest. This kind of understanding and practice allows each person to be as different as they want or can be from each other. That's one half of complexity.

The other half is integration, which means families where each member is aware of the other person's goals--even if they are not the same, or even contrary--and helps that person to realize their goals.

If the family's only differentiated, there's a lot of stimulation, high expectations, and encouragement of differences, without the love and support. You have kids who may be very ambitious and achieve well in school but are not really happy. They're insecure, and that tends to a result.

If you have an only integrated family, there is lots of love and support but no challenge, no pressure, no expectation of higher achievement or accomplishment. Then you have kids who act fairly happy and ad j usted and content, but thev don't seem to develop much ambition.

If you have neither differentiation nor integration, that's the worst, of course. But if you have both, that's when we're talking about complex family.

PT: You're one of the most prominent psychologists in the country. Do you practice what you preach?

MC: Well, complexity, yes. Transcendence, I don't claim to get that far. (Laughs.) But complexity, I think not so bad. My family is happy, and we are happy with each other. My work is going very well, and I've time to enjoy myself,

PT: Do you agree that the concepts that you've introduce in this book re both very complex and very simple?

MC: Well, the major principles have to do with pointing out what the major programs are that we carry in our genotype and in our culture. That is, the kind of obstacles to complexity that have been introduced by the way the nervous system works, by the emergence of the self, or by the needs we have that are necessary for survival--but can overload our circuits or get us addicted to pleasure.

So the principles have to do with the recognition of our programming, of getting the reader to sit back and say, "Now, let me think. How much of my life is really under my conscious control? How much of it is programmed for me?"

In the second half, the major principle is complexity and how to apply that to one's life in a way that is enjoyable.

These are, of course, principles that have been understood at some point by philosophers, by certain religions, by people in different cultures, by psychologists. However, I tried to interpret them in a way that is more understandable--something we can fit into the way we think at the end of the 20th century.

PT: Do you have any take-home advice for developing ourselves in the future?

MC: I think that people should realize how important what they do can be in changing both their lives and history. We are unaware, really, of the powers we have, and partly it is because we trust too much of what we are born with. We think that if you just go ahead and do what you are programmed to do, that that's what life is about.

We need to realize that in many ways life, or at least conscious life, begins only after you realize what you are supposed to do in terms of genetic and social instructions. It's only when you free yourself from the basic conditioning that we are born with do you start living.

At the same time, realize that you are free to do it or not to do it. It is up to you, and you don't have to feel guilty, you don't have to feel necessarily responsible. If you don't do it and nobody else does it, the matter will disappear, and so maybe that's how it should be. Evolution will proceed some other way, somewhere else.

PT: How do you account for the differences between you and Alvin Toffler, another prominent futurist, whose pessimistic predictions make us quite anxious. You, on the other hand, tell us that there's much to be cheerful for.

MC: What I have noticed in Mr. Toffler's work is that he takes whatever is the major trend at the moment and then projects it mechanistically into the future, which is certainly one way of dealing with prediction. It's a more or less sensible way, but it does not take into account what people can do to change the situation. Certainly, if I were to follow his method, I would come up very pessimistic, too. But if everybody becomes pessimistic and gives up trying to do something about the current condition, then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I try to point out that we have the ability to reflect on what we do and ask ourselves "Is this the only way?" If enough people have the energy to do something about it, we may move in a somewhat better direction.

How to Shape Our Selves (2024)

FAQs

How to Shape Our Selves? ›

One critical thing to focus on when shaping yourself is 'consistency'. Be consistent in whatever you do. “Don't relent, focus, it will pay over time” this is what a friend Aminu Nasale told me a few years back, and believe me, it's massive progress i see. Comfort Zone: Here you are always feeling safe and in control.

How do people shape who you are? ›

We meet the people around us because of what we do

And these people help set the baseline for what we think is ok, what we think is possible and what we're exposed to. If we are unhappy about the our environment great ways of changing this are to try new hobbies, habits and books.

How do I shape myself? ›

Seek feedback from trusted people and get straight to the meat. Work towards a goal: Commit to daily practice. Do one small thing every day that will get you a little bit closer. Be open to change: To improve yourself, you must change, if you aren't willing to change, it's hard to move forward.

How do I strengthen my identity? ›

Increase your identity strength to the highest level possible. Verify a new or re-issued identity document in myGovID. To do this, select Reset app within your myGovID app's Settings and set up your myGovID again using the new identity document.

How do I restore myself emotionally? ›

The emotional healing process takes time, and it looks different for each person. Regardless of what you are healing from, taking steps like practicing self-compassion, practicing mindfulness, caring for your body, and trying therapy can help.

What causes a lack of sense of self? ›

People who lack a strong sense of self may have experienced adverse or traumatic events. Understanding the totality of who you are can foster a deep appreciation of your sense of self. Embracing the positive aspects of your personality bolsters your self-esteem and can support you in living an authentic life.

Can I change who I am? ›

People can change but only if a few requirements are met, including self-awareness and willpower. There are some exceptions, though. Your personality is shaped by a dynamic relationship between your interactions, temperament, and environments. Change is possible.

How do other people shape our identity? ›

Society influences identity by sending messages about what is good and what is bad in a broad sense and by using media to create ideas. One example of this is the influence that media has on individuals' political beliefs. Family influences identity by being the first influence in a person's world.

How does personality shape who we are? ›

Studies have concluded that human personalities and temperaments are shaped by both genetics and our environment; while we may be born with certain personality traits, there still is the possibility to develop others as we experience life.

How does society shape me as a person? ›

Individuals are shaped by society in many ways, including through socialization, culture, and social institutions. Socialization is the process by which people learn the norms, values, and customs of their society and culture.

How is your identity shaped by how others see you? ›

People identify others based on numerous references whether it is through the way they act, dress or manner themselves. Because of this, our own individual identities are formed by society. We may like the way people label us, or, we may not.

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